Sam Ponder, Lyme Disease and how it all has to do with my life!

I honestly thought that by the time I turned twenty-five I’d be married, have two kids, have a Journalism degree and be on the sideline reporting for ESPN or College Game Day. I’d love to host with Sam Ponder she’s awesome! Sorry​ for the fangirling, but she’s amazing!

Okay so things haven’t gone quite that way. Actually none of that has happened. If you told me six years ago that I’d still be living at home with my parents, sharing a room with my younger sister, jobless and carless; I probably would’ve punched you in the face. But there’s more to it, because I’m not being a bum.

“You have Lyme​ Disease and that’s why you’re so sick…” That’s what I was being told the fall after my senior year of highschool. So I have Lyme Disease. As the doctor was talking with my mom I thought to myself, “That’s nice, but I don’t hike and I hate to camp, so how did I get this and how do I get better?” That’s when the Doctor interrupted my thoughts….. “Because you have such an advanced form of Lyme Disease we would like to put you on an IV directly attached to your heart.” So you could say that I was just a little freaked out by all of this to say the least. On top of feeling awful, which included migraines that felt as if I had taken a hit from a defensive lineman and now I had the worst concussion ever.
I wasen’t to keen on having an IV put into my heart; I mean who would be okay with that and I applaud those that are dealing with that!!!
There I was feeling as if my world was falling apart. I wanted to be at school freaking out about classes and the freshmen 15! But no, I was in a doctor’s office in Northern California being told about this insane disease that has no cure! Oh and did I mention that there’s a huge government conspiracy behind it and insurance companies won’t recognize it as an actual disease!

Let’s go back to highschool, I had planned on going to college at either the University of Alabama (Roll Tide) or The University of Florida. I was going to double major in Journalism and Multimedia! I was ready for college. I had done tons of research on literally everything from the best places to eat, which church’s were popular, the best sororities (Tri Delta) etc. I was ready to be the next Erin Andrews! But as my Junior year was nearing the end I felt awful and things only got worse from there. By the end of my Senior year I was barely leaving the house. Plus my family was dealing with major church drama and now my walk with God was almost non-existent.

All I can say is I felt like I had done something and was being punished for it. Being sick has been absolutely the most frustrating and emotional testing thing I’ve ever been through. It’s still a battle, but I’m getting better at fighting. I went on antibiotics for about six months and it made me sicker. Which apparently is how it works. We weren’t okay with that. I mean I didn’t do much before the meds, but on meds I was now really not leaving the house. I ended up not going to college. But after tons of prayer I now realize that going to school wasn’t part of God’s plan for me. One reason I started this blog is because I love to write and I don’t need a Journalism degree to do that. I still wish I could do some sideline reporting but you never know what could happen! I have also gotten really into golf and I’m getting ready to start working on that pretty soon. I’ve also jumped into song writing and I’ve been doing research on music producing. I‘m still sick but I know how to handle it. Plus I’ve given my whole future to God. I have zero control of how I feel and where I end up. I’ve learned that I’m not the one in charge. I can try and take it over and well honestly that never ends well!! My faith is in God and his amazing powers! Do I think he can heal me, of course but he hasn’t. I don’t know why I have Chronic Lyme Disease, but I do and I will live my life to the fullest! I think Tim Tebow said it best, “I don’t know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future!”.

So that’s just a small glimpse into my life!!

💋, Holland

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